Never have I ever. It’s a game that one of my kids has played with other people at a camp. My daughter’s three options that she gave them were (1) I’ve met the governor of Illinois (2) I’ve taken first in a chess tournament (3) I survived an attack by a man with two knives.
The kids in her group picked #3 as the one she had never done. In reality, the one that she had never accomplished was that she had taken first place in a tournament. She’s placed second, third, and fourth in chess tournaments, but to this date never first.
But that obvious thing that means is that she – and her brothers, sister, I, and about 15 other people were attacked by a disturbed young man who, as it came out later, had every intention of killing every single one of us.
But That’s Not How Our Day Started
So I should be completely honest with you. I totally can’t remember how that day started, and that might sound crazy. There is a very good reason that I can’t remember how that morning started and that is because it was the same as any other Tuesday morning that I can remember since we moved to Central Illinois. We had been here close to a year and this would only be our second week at chess club. My kids had really enjoyed the first week and were very much looking forward to it.
We Arrived at Chess Club
Chess club took place toward the back of the library. The room was set up with three rows of tables going across and one long table going down the side of the room. Four of my kids took place at the three long tables. My youngest child – just four years old at the time – the same child who at three years old had lived through the Ferguson Riots and showed signs of having the stress really get to him – sat next to me at the long table down the side of the room.
One of the other moms was showing my little guy some pictures on her phone. The coach started his lesson. All the kids listened. It was a pretty short lesson that day. Once the coach finished the lesson and told the kids (who were already paired off) to start their games.
Just a few minutes into the games, a young man ran into the opposite side of the room where the moms were sitting. He was holding two knives above his head and yelling, “I’m going to kill everybody.” He was less than three feet away from my two older boys (ages 13 and 9). My girls were somewhere in the middle of the room.
The coach stepped in between my two boys and the young man named Dustin Brown (19 years old). He drew Dustin’s attention away from the kids and brought it to himself. While the coach tried to engage Dustin in conversation, Dustin dipped his right arm and started to drag that knife across his left arm.
What Was Going Through
My Mind to This Point
You all know I’m many things. I’m a Christian, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a mom. And as we moms know, sometimes our (usually) amazing children can say or do some really stupid things. Just like sometimes parents can bury their heads in the sand like an ostrich.
I’m sure most of you have seen the 1994 version of Little Women. There’s a scene in that movie when Meg and Jo came back from a dance. Amy is sitting in a chair in front of the fire looking incredibly smug. After a short interval, Jo discovers that Amy threw her manuscript that Jo had been working on for weeks – maybe even months – into the fire out of spite because she couldn’t go to the dance. And Jo stands there for a moment staring at her manuscript burning before she turns on Amy and screams at her, “I’m going to kill you!”
Well, we all know Jo really wasn’t going to kill Amy, but she said that she was. When Dustin came into the room holding two knives over his head and yelling, “I’m going to kill everyone.” That’s what it felt like to me. I’ve seen plenty of stupid kids who have shown off for friends and never really meant anything by their antics. That’s what my original thought was. I didn’t realize that the situation was actually………dangerous.
But the coach was 
amazing.
He KNEW that this was real. He knew that this kid was serious. While many of us froze, he knew what he needed to do.
He motioned to us behind his back to exit the room. He kept talking to the young man keeping his attention off of us and on himself. Once the coach motioned us to get out of the room, we unfroze, and in a single file line, we quickly left the room.
Once we were out of the room, the coach (a 75-year-old-man) engaged Dustin (a 19-year-old man) in hand-to-hand battle. While the coach was injured by a deep gash in his hand, he was able to disarm Dustin.
When I Unfroze
Once the coach motioned us out all of a sudden I was all there again. I made sure all my kids were out of the room, I found my voice and my faculties. The five of us headed to the circulation desk where I told the clerk to call 911. Once we let them know what had happened, we got in our car and drove away.
Sounds Pretty Anti-climactic, huh? It does. And it was, in my opinion, probably the most epic of mom fails. I froze. I froze when my children’s lives were on the line. So when I reflected on what happened over the next few days and weeks I could either have wallowed in self-pity for my abysmal performance or I could learn from what happened. I chose the later.
Lessons I learned
After I had some time to reflect, I realized several things. First off, when we were in the room where we played chess, I had a cellphone and pocket knife, but I hadn’t thought about either of those things.
I started wondering what was going on and why I froze.
Normalcy Bias
I learned about something called “Normalcy Bias.” It’s a real thing. According to Wikipedia, Normalcy Bias is, “A belief people hold when facing a disaster. It causes people to underestimate both the likelihood of a disaster and its possible effects, because people believe that things will always function the way things normally have functioned.”
We were facing a disaster, and I underestimated the likelihood that the young man was really there to harm us and I underestimated the possible effects of his attack. I didn’t use the resources at my disposal because I didn’t think the attack was real. Once the kids and I were out of immediate danger, everything became apparent again as to what I needed to do.
Normalcy Bias and You
So what does Normalcy Bias have to do with you?
When you drive by the gas station and see something between $4.00/gallon and $5.00/gallon for gas, what do you think? “Oh, it’s going to come back down once this whole conflict between Ukraine and Russia blows over?”
What do you think when you go to the grocery store and each week, you pay more and more for the same groceries? “That’s okay. This is just because gas costs so much right now. It’s going to get better.”
Last Christmas, we went to get a Christmas Tree last year – because we accidentally got rid of half of TWO DIFFERENT Christmas trees when we moved! Don’t ask me how we did that, I had no idea. But when I went looking for a Christmas tree, I discovered that there was a Christmas tree shortage. More than that, they cost almost 1/3 more than they had the year before! Do you say, “It’ll be better this next Christmas.”?
Even this year when I went to Hobby Lobby to fill out our Spring decorations, the amount of decorations this year compared to last year was noticeable.
So when you see all of these things, what do you say to yourself? “Oh, it’s just bad now because of ‘xyz’. It’ll get better soon.”
My friends, that’s called Normalcy Bias – it’s always going to be the way it was. I don’t know what’s going to happen between Russia and Ukraine. I have my suspicions, but I’m no mind reader. But what you need to understand is that things may not return to normal – or at least not for a while. Don’t let normalcy bias keep you from digging deep right now and taking your preparedness to the next level.
Why Combat Normalcy Bias?
Let’s be honest. While, I’m sure, none of us wants to walk around with our eyes closed, we also don’t want to go looking for trouble under every rock either. More than that, I’m guessing that most of us couldn’t handle worrying over every-single-event on the news. So we should be asking ourselves how we can combat normalcy bias without sending ourselves into panic attacks worrying over every little thing.
If you’ve ever studied any martial art, you’ll know about forms. A form is simply a series of actions that are performed in a prescribed order. Why do martial arts students learn to do specific forms? They teach you axiomatic combinations of moves. Why? Because oftentimes each of those moves can easily and effectively be used in combination in a sparring match.
Or perhaps you have taken a musical instrument. I know that my children have to do these finger exercises from a book called “Dozen a Day.” Each of those exercises teaches the fingers something called muscle memory. When the children play through those exercises, their fingers learn where to go next so that the child doesn’t have to think about what their fingers are doing as they are doing it.
Maybe even the best example of this is typing. While I’m working on this article, I’m not thinking, “Okay, Karen’s fingers. Type t-y-p-e. I just type think “type” and I type the word.
How to Combat Normalcy Bias
We can do the same thing mentally. We need to learn to think through possible events. Some day while you’re driving, ask your friend, your spouse, or one of your kids who are in the car with you to throw out a crazy survival scenario. Then think through it together. What actions would you need to take? What items would you want to have with you? What do you have with you at that moment and how would you use those items in the event of that emergency?
Especially if you have children, make it a game. Make it fun and funny! “What if you were in a rowboat and a blue whale started swimming at you from behind? How do you get away?” Or maybe something like, “You’re driving through the desert and your car battery dies. You can only have one cartoon character with you. Who is it and why?” It simply gets your children to think creatively through scenarios and to solve the problem.
As your kids get older though, work through real scenarios with them. You’re walking through the middle of the grocery store, turn to one of your older children and say, “If someone ran into the store right now waving a gun, what would you do? Where would you go?” The next time you walk into a familiar house, ask your kids, “What are four ways that you could get out of this house right now if you needed to?” It teaches them situational awareness which will help combat normalcy bias.
Want to walk through scenarios, but you aren’t good at thinking them up? Believe it or not, there’s a game that has thought them through for you! It’s called “Worst Case Scenario.” Playing the game actually gets you to think through how to get out of difficult situations and survive. I highly recommend it.
What About You?
What one area of your life do you realize that you need to combat normalcy bias at this very moment? In the comments, give us a plausible scenario for us to mentally work through so that we can compile a list of them for us and others to use to combat our own normalcy bias.
Totally normal reaction! Not just the normalcy bias, but also because the rules of society are so ingrained in us that, even when it would be OK, it’s hard to break them. Meaning, we’re not used to yelling “STOP IT!!” or “DROP IT!!!” at the top of our lungs. We’re not used to grabbing little kids and literally tossing or pushing them out a door to get them to safety. Most of us don’t go around swinging punches and giving ninja kicks to those around us. All of these things are good ways to protect yourself and others, but when have it in your mind that this kind of behavior is inappropriate, it’s hard to swtich your mindset to “in this situation, it’s OK for me to break the rules.”
I work in public education and I’m a mom, so I know my natural reaction would be, “oh this young man is disturbed. He needs compassion and mental health services” (even as he’s swinging a knife) because that’s my minset every day at work. It would be hard for me to swtich my brain to “He’s an attacker. Protect others!” So, I get it!
I took a class from our Sheriff’s office on Civilian Response to Active Shooter Events and I learned that everyone does exactly what you did – it’s a completely normal response. Our society has up to recently been “civilized” and all us normally follow the rule of law & polite civility so this response would be “normal”, especially for a female. Unfortunately we have to sort of “unlearn” this behavior & learn how to push through it. I can’t recommend enough about finding a similar class to the active shooter training for your whole family. It’s eye opening & empowering when you learn all you have to do is – do something, like throw an object at the attacker. I think it would also help with any stress that comes with being a “victim”. Thanks for sharing. Everyone really needs to stop with the “it will never happen to me, my town, my school etc.”
“I’m going to kill everybody.” “Bang Bang, no you’re not”. said the armed responder!
In Illinois, even if you have a concealed carry permit, you aren’t allowed to carry in a public library. That’s where our group meets.
Wow, such a thought-provoking article! One scenario I have actually thought of many, many times over the decades is what would I do if an attacker came into church one Sunday morning. I suppose the reason I think about this situation just about every Sunday is because years ago when I was in grad school, an attacker did just that at a neighboring church. People died that day because no one outside the sanctuary was questioning the man with the trench coat walking through the hall toward the sanctuary. Church attacks have happened increasingly in the US since then, and awareness is much greater now. Our church’s greeters at every entrance are trained to be on the alert; we have an off-duty policeman on campus every Sunday; and there’s even a man designated each Sunday to stand at the side aisle of the sanctuary, facing the back of the sanctuary, always scanning the back where the entries are. Even though those lines of defense are in place, my husband and I have talked about key things to do if a threat comes into the room. Besides duck and cover, my husband came up with a great idea — grab hymnals out of the back of the pew and chunk them at the attacker. If 200 people started chunking two-pound books at the attacker, it would certainly be a distraction! ……. Thanks for the excellent post, Karen!
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